


Selling Your Reason (Will Not Bring You Through)

by backinthebox



Series: Holy Water Cannot Help You Now [2]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/F, mentions of that stupid League marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-08
Updated: 2019-05-12
Packaged: 2019-05-19 16:11:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,363
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14877074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/backinthebox/pseuds/backinthebox
Summary: "I heard you disbanded the League.""My father's League had been tainted, so yes." Nyssa allowed, even if she held back the question of who had informed Sara, since information on her well-being was apparently not among the things Oliver Queen and his ilk were sharing with Sara. Instead she returned, "I heard you've been busy saving the world."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Elements of this fic were inspired by a_windsor's An Inevitable Something.
> 
> (I know, I know, but this is what happens when you read a lot of fanfic.)

"You need not hit him," Nyssa told Sara while checking her knuckles, which were merely bruised. The benefits, she supposed, of having been brought to life in the Lazarus Pit. _A_ Lazarus Pit, she mentally corrected. She really needed to review her father's writings to ensure if there were others, aside from the one Talia had utilized to bring Laurel back.

"I really did." Sara corrected, shooting a dark look across the room at where her sister was attending to Oliver.

"Sara."

Sara turned to look at Nyssa. "He hurt you."

"He—"

"Maybe not physically, but he did," Sara insisted.

Nyssa didn't wholly agree, but she didn't want to continue to argue about the matter at hand, as she didn't particularly want to continue to defend Oliver Queen. So she chose to change the subject. "Have you been well?"

Sara gave her a long, discerning look, as if trying to assess whether she wanted to press her assertion or if she should follow the change of subject, and eventually acquiesced to Nyssa's silent plea. "It's been tough, but I'm okay."

"I'm glad."

Sara returned her faint smile. "I heard you disbanded the League."

"My father's League had been tainted, so yes." Nyssa allowed, even if she held back the question of who had informed Sara, since information on her well-being was apparently not among the things Oliver Queen and his ilk were sharing with Sara. Instead she returned, "I heard you've been busy saving the world."

"Eh," Sara shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal. "You have your job, I have mine."

Nyssa had to smile, even as she admitted, "It has not been as easy as simply saying so."

"You'll figure it out."

"I am trying," Nyssa agreed.

Opting to segue into a different line of discussion, Sara glanced surreptitiously at their surroundings and queried, "Talia's ninjas?"

Nyssa nodded briefly, not even bothering to correct Sara that members of the League, even in Talia's renegade version of it, were not "ninjas".

"Am I gonna have to be worried about why Talia brought Laurel back?" Sara asked.

Nyssa sighed, because that was a very good question. Talia had always had grand designs, and her words indicated that their uneasy truce could so easily be set aside given enough reason. And she had called Laurel a weapon, which was concerning. Which reminds her: "There is something you should know."

Sara shot a dark look in Oliver's general direction as she intoned, "Yeah, you and Ollie being married in the eyes of the League really should have been brought up before today."

"Sara."

"Pretty sure I have dibs."

"Unfortunately, circumstances proved otherwise."

Because she had been dead. Sara's gaze softened, turning back to Nyssa. "Can't you have it annulled, or something? You're the Demon's Head, doesn't that give you sovereign over your marriage, or something?"

Nyssa was, admittedly, momentarily distracted, because: "Your travels have given you better insight on how monarchies operate."

Sara gave her a faint smile. "Does the League have rules about formerly-deceased lovers still calling dibs?"

"You are free from the League, Sara. Its rules, if the League still existed, would not include you anymore."

"Nyssa…"

Nyssa shook her head, refusing to be drawn into this argument, and refocused, utilizing the one topic of conversation she knew would distract Sara. "It involves Laurel."

Sara frowned. Both at the obvious attempt at a distraction and the fact that there was something to discuss about her sister.

Sensing Sara's hesitation, Nyssa pressed her advantage. "You have heard of her doppelganger?"

"Another thing I should have been told about sooner," Sara grumbled. "Evil Laurel."

"Black Siren." Nyssa nodded. "The Lazarus Pit has brought Laurel back… changed."

Sara glanced back at Laurel and Oliver briefly, as if to check if she could see the changes. She turned back to Nyssa. "Changed how?"

"Laurel has developed powers not unlike her doppelganger."

"How bad?"

"A sonic scream." Nyssa started. "From what I've observed she's faster, stronger. I've yet to put her through her paces."

Sara frowned. "I don't know if I like the idea of you and Laurel going through her paces."

"Sara."

"I don't like her going through all of this again, is that so unreasonable?" Sara asked quietly. "She died."

"She – or anyone sensible, for that matter – would argue that so did you." Nyssa pointed out gently.

Sara huffed, looking away in petulance. "But I'm a badass."

Nyssa had to smile. "You are quite fearsome—" Nyssa caught the affectionate nickname, and quickly corrected herself, "Sara."

Sara picked up on the split-second of hesitation before Nyssa had spoken her name, and she yearned for what she knew had been in place of it.

Nyssa continued, either ignorant or deliberately avoiding that momentary pause. "Talia called her a weapon."

"Is she?"

"She was on her way to truly becoming formidable prior to her death. Her resurrection by the Lazarus Pit will not be a deterrent." Nyssa admitted.

"So no quiet life in early retirement?" Sara guessed.

"Do you truly believe, even if she had not been brought back with superhuman abilities, that she would be capable of taking the quiet life?"

Sara conceded that point. "Laurel Lance, always saving the world."

"You are much alike, in some ways." Nyssa pointed out.

Sara looked at Nyssa. "You're awfully calm about this."

Someone had to be.

"It is, as you say, merely another day at the office," Nyssa allowed.

Sara had to laugh. "Yeah. Resurrected Lance sisters, shadow ninjas and someone punching Ollie in the face." Her mirth faded, however, when she noticed that Nyssa wasn't laughing, her pensive gaze fixed on Sara. "What?"

"It is heartening to see you well, Sara."

Sara couldn't even take the compliment, or the sentiment that colored it, as she frowned. "Why won't you—"

"I thought you were traveling through time," Nyssa said quickly, interrupting her. "But you were here for... aliens, was it?"

Despite the interruption, Sara smiled wryly. "And a few alternate universes."

"Do I want to know?"

"Probably not," Sara admitted.

Nyssa indicated over her shoulder at the direction of Laurel and Oliver. "Mr. Queen is not _entirely_ useless."

Sara didn't match her humor, swiftly returning to more somber matters. "I would have come to see you sooner…"

Nyssa met her gaze sharply, but didn't voice the unasked question of 'why didn't you?' Instead, after a moment of evident assessment, she looked down and away, breaking the standoff. "We have all been affected in losing Laurel, Sara. I understand."

Between the avoidance and the weighted silence, Sara had been becoming increasingly agitated, but Nyssa dismissing everything between them and chalking everything up to the aftermath of Laurel's death, coupled with the continued use of her given name, turned out to be her breaking point. "Are you seriously kidding me right now?"

Nyssa gave her a quick look of confusion. "I don't—"

"'Sara'?" Sara repeated. "I guess I had it coming, given the time apart, and I _guess_ it's better than 'Miss Lance', but seriously?"

Nyssa glanced away, as if to check if anyone was paying attention to this obvious talking-to she was receiving.

"Why are you being like this?"

Nyssa turned back to her, just barely holding back the petulant 'like what?' that threatened to pass her lips.

Sara didn't give her the chance. "You look at me like there's a million things you want to say, but won't. We see each other, for the first time in… a long time, and you won't talk to me like you used to. You're defending Oliver, and I still don't even know the whole story, and you won't…" She shook her head. "Have I been so far gone that you can't even…"

"You died."

Sara frowned at the quiet assertion, the quiet way Nyssa said it, and realized that in the aftermath of her death and resurrection, and her subsequent departure to join the people who have become her friends on the Waverider, she hadn't considered the depth and impact her death meant to the people who cared about her. "Yeah, but…"

"I failed to protect you. To protect Laurel. I couldn't even keep my title as Heir, nor was I able to fulfill my destiny as Demon's Head. Laurel had to ask _Malcolm Merlyn_ to bring you back, a request I tried _and failed_ to prevent. I have raised arms against my sister. I struggle to correct the wrongs done by Father's lieutenants." Nyssa recounted. "I have failed you, so many times, and in so many ways, and when I released you from the League, when I asked you to _live_ , unburdened by your past, it was not just the League I was asking you to leave behind."

"Nyssa--"

"And now you speak around your exploits, your adventures through time; I am not so arrogant or so simple as to assume you have been free of companionship." Nyssa pointed out. "And even now you hesitate."

Caught. Sara hated that part of Nyssa's training as an assassin had been to read body language and to perceive meanings behind behavior, because having it used against her _sucked_.

And all she could say in defense of herself was, "You told me to."

She lived with the guilt of having left Nyssa in that dungeon, leaving her to fight her own battle, not knowing just how many in the League remained loyal to Nyssa. She had known, deep down, the root of Nyssa making the decision to refuse to let Sara free her, and once more entangle herself in the League, not when Malcolm Merlyn had been Ra's; she just hadn't been aware of the full extent of the meaning of that exchange.

She had thought, as she had confessed to Laurel, that they were simply taking some time apart, to deal with Sara's second – or was it third? – lease on life, and to learn to handle the residual bloodlust from her Lazarus Pit resurrection; while Nyssa dealt with Malcolm Merlyn and his usurpation of her title as Demon's Head. She had always assumed they would find their way back together; Nyssa, apparently, had not been so optimistic.

And she could only think of one way to remedy that misconception. "Come with me."

Nyssa blinked. "Where?"

"On the Waverider. Join my team." Now that she had said it out loud, she could see the possibilities. "You're handy with weapons built before the twentieth century, and you've got a lot more finesse than, like, at least half of my team. You love history, and time travel's a trip, and it'll be nice to have somebody with an awareness of history other than Nate." The rush of words slowed, and Sara went right for the heart of the matter: "I know I can't just make up for the time we've been apart, but maybe it won't have to be for much longer."

"Sara, you need not make decisions out of guilt."

It's a low blow, and Sara feels it, because it's not just guilt over their time apart. Talia had resurrected Laurel – not because of Nyssa's friendship with the Black Canary, but because even while she had been away from the League, Talia had been aware of Nyssa's relationship with Sara. In the world of the League and those aware of it, everybody had known of the Heir of the Demon's Beloved. Even after death and resurrection, despite Sara being away on her own adventure, Talia had known how to get Nyssa's attention, by going after what – and who – she considered family.

What Nyssa doesn't know is that even in their time apart, she had always been at the back of Sara's mind; why she had joined the League while stranded in time, making sure Ra's sent Nyssa to Lian Yu, wanting Merlyn dead and constantly hesitating to kill him not knowing how it would screw up the timeline, and ultimately choosing to believe no matter where they were and what they were doing – even as she found companionship with others throughout time and history and flirted and carried on with attractive Time Agents – that despite the dangers they constantly faced, they would inevitably be together.

But Laurel was right, and life – especially theirs – held no guarantees. "It's not guilt. I don't…" She shook her head. "I made the mistake of leaving you too many times. I'm not doing it again."

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

"She said no?" Laurel couldn't contain her shock, because she did _not_ see that coming.

Sara scowled at the reminder. "Right?"

Laurel shook her head. "Is that why she bailed as fast as she could when you said you're staying and spending the night?"

"Yeah, I didn't believe she had an appointment tonight, either." Sara agreed.

They sat together on the couch in Nyssa's apartment, having been left there by Nyssa after the day's events, citing both an appointment and the belief that the sisters Lance would like to spend some time alone. Thea had tried to come along, but had been convinced otherwise when it had been argued that anyone watching Oliver and his team's movements would notice her failure to return alongside Oliver, John, and Felicity.

Sara, who had somehow managed to keep her offer and Nyssa's refusal to herself while around Oliver and their friends, had wasted zero time in divulging to Laurel that information once they were alone. Hours after the exchange, she was still reeling from the fact that Nyssa had said no. She hadn't automatically assumed Nyssa would say yes, but she'd _hoped_ ; she was more in shock by how easily Nyssa had turned down the invitation.

Laurel had her own thought process on the invitation and its rejection: "Well, she _did_ once tell me that you leaving in the dead of night had put things in perspective."

Sara winced at the reminder of that dark time when she had been so desperate that she'd left Nyssa and the League without a proper goodbye; that time when she had been so torn by the internal conflict of her reality and an imagined ideal, that she had chosen first her family, and then Oliver and his crusade, over Nyssa and the life she had been living for years. But she had returned to the League, had returned to _Nyssa_ , and only Malcolm Merlyn's orchestrations had ruined that.

But still: "What do you mean?"

"The League shaped you into what it wanted you to be," Laurel noted. "Never once asking who or what it was you were interested in becoming."

"What does that mean?"

Laurel frowned at her. "It means Nyssa had the theory that the League was just a continuation of who you'd had to be on the Amazo."

Sara matched her frown. "That's not true."

"Maybe." Laurel paused, weighing her conscience on whether she should tell Sara something Nyssa had once confided, and decided Sara needed some insight on who Nyssa had become in her absence. "You know, she once told me that in hindsight, you were probably always bound to leave the League. And after you'd gone back, she realized that if it meant facing the consequences of letting you go again, she would have been willing to make that sacrifice."

"I wasn't going to leave her."

"Sara," Laurel said gently, trying to soothe the obvious offense Sara had taken in Laurel's statement.

Sara shook her head. "I wasn't."

"Yeah," Laurel agreed, because she'd been there at the docks that time Sara had said goodbye to return to the League, and seen the determination in Sara to prove to Nyssa the sincerity of her return. Still, the point remained: "But she might not have given you the choice."

Sara couldn't argue against that, because that was _exactly_ what Nyssa had done, when Sara had gone to visit her in the Nanda Parbat dungeons, fully intent on busting her out but ending up leaving instead. "She told me to leave."

"I know."

"To live a life unburdened – whatever that really means – by my past."

"I know."

Sara shook her head. "How do I tell her that I did that, that I tried to do what she told me to, and it wasn't enough? How do I tell her that even when there were others, she was still… maybe not implicitly, or even consciously, but… that I can't deny a part of me had always meant to come back to her?"

"I don't know."

"Don't you have some special older sister powers that can figure that out?" Sara asked.

"I wish." Laurel admitted. She paused for a moment, and had to comment: "It's so weird, to realize you and Nyssa are both younger sisters. My entire relationship with her suddenly seems different."

"I can't still can't believe she trained you." Sara grumbled. Although she can't exactly complain, having trained _Talia_ at one point.

So weird.

"Deal with it." Laurel told her. After briefly studying her younger sister, she mused, "You know, she once told me, when she'd figured out what happened to you, that she'd always known the safest and most dangerous place for you to be was beside her."

Nyssa had told Sara that, too, early in their relationship, trying to warn the League's Ta'er al Asfer that to be the Heir's Beloved was a dangerous thing to be. Trying to warn her off, trying to get Sara to cut their relationship short before it could go further, because Nyssa had been unable and helpless to do so herself.

And now, Sara realized, Nyssa was still doing the same. "Stupid noble Demon."

"I just don't understand why she would say no? She would burn worlds down for you." Laurel confided, and she belatedly realized that given what they did, the sentiment was not nearly as romantic as her younger, teenage self would have liked to believe.

It was still, to be honest, really true of Nyssa.

Sara sighed. "She wasn't very specific, but I'm pretty sure it's Talia-related." She huffed in indignation. "At least it's not because of stupid Ollie. Could have used a heads up on that one, by the way."

Laurel gave her a skeptical look. "Right, because I could have stopped you if the bloodlust activated."

"I wouldn't have killed him."

Laurel's eyebrow arched.

Okay, fine, maybe the bloodlust wouldn't have stopped her. Especially not after learning the rest of the story behind how it had even happened. "Maybe it could have gotten rid of his stupidity. I mean, Merlyn? After everything? After what he did to me? Or Thea?"

Laurel sighed again, because she couldn't defend Oliver's actions, even though she understood he'd had to do it to protect Thea. She, after all, knew better than most the desperation involved when her younger sister was involved. "Who told you?" Laurel queried, because she and Nyssa had hoped to provide the whole sordid story to Sara only after Oliver was gone.

"Thea has a big mouth." Sara replied. "And pretty pissed. But she's torn over hating the whole thing and loving the idea of Nyssa considering her family."

"Nyssa _is_ pretty cool." Laurel concurred. "When, you know, she's not having me drugged and actual kidnapping."

Sara glared at her. "Shut up." It was true, but Laurel didn't have to say it.

Laurel smiled faintly, and went back to the topic at hand. "Not that it isn't romantic, or that you weren't being awesome to ask," Laurel started, "but wouldn't having Nyssa around kind of put an end to you seducing your way throughout history?"

Sara sighed wearily. "You know about that too, huh?"

Laurel rolled her eyes. "Me and Thea aren't stupid, you know. And you're really obvious. We noticed a trend in your stories and the way you'd suddenly stop to make sure Nyssa wasn't listening."

"Turns out I shouldn't have bothered, since she already knows."

"You sound disappointed."

"It would be nice to keep some mystery," Sara grumbled.

"Or you wanted to keep that from her," Laurel pointed out.

Sara sent her a weary glance. "Is that your expert opinion, counselor?"

Laurel smiled patiently at her. "You know you don't have to try and hide anything from her, right? She loves you."

"Well, yeah, but—" Sara sighed. "There's been so much, these past few years. For her _and_ me. And even now she's got stuff going on, and I've got stuff going on, and—"

"Sara." Laurel cut in, shaking her head. "Do you really think any of that matters?"

Sara sighed again, conceding defeat on that particular point. "No."

Laurel was honestly surprised that she didn't need to exercise all her abilities as a lawyer to get Sara to admit to it, but she had a feeling there was more to what Sara was saying. "So what are you gonna do?"

"Laurel, she said no."

"Yeah, so what're you going to do?"

"Well I'm not just gonna stop protecting time," Sara declared. She trusted her team to know what to do and be able to accomplish their mission in her absence – eventually, _inevitably_ – but honestly, she just wasn't ready to leave them yet. "And she's determined to see her own thing, with you, and Talia, and what's left of the League, through."

"Yeah, that's…" Laurel had to acknowledge the complexity of the situation. Admittedly, she, too, had once figured that Sara and Nyssa would eventually – hopefully – make their way back together; maybe once Sara got over the wanderlust and Nyssa could stop… well, being _Nyssa_ – Heir to the Demon, master assassin, overall scary woman.

But that wasn't really being fair to Sara, and she knew it: Sara had stayed with the League. Staying as a rookie and involved with Nyssa was one thing, but going back (technically) when she had found herself stuck in the past and unable to find a place for herself in that time, she had gone to the League, to the place that she knew she would find some semblance of home in.

"She likes you," Sara pointed out to Laurel, earning her a confused look. "And you're supposed to be stronger and faster now. She won't hit you too hard if you tell her she should come with me."

"I don't think she'll appreciate me trying to make her come to the decision I like." Laurel pointed out.

"You're an older sister, isn't that like, your super power, or something?" Sara teased.

Laurel rolled her eyes. "I'll show you super powers."

Sara's smile faded slightly, being reminded of one of the reasons why Nyssa was reluctant to leave Laurel since her resurrection. "Super powers. Didn't see that one coming."

Laurel smiled wryly. "You and me both. I don't know what to do with this. And don't say travel through time with you."

"I'm just saying, banshees are a thing throughout history."

"You mean mythology."

"I went to college to, you know. I even attended some classes." Sara reminded. "I mean history. You don't know if you're supposed to be the source of all those stories."

Laurel paused, considered, and then admitted, "That's super confusing. How do you keep your head from exploding?"

"You don't want to know."

"Okay."

Sara smiled.

"The offer's tempting, but I'm not sure I should be in an enclosed space traveling through space-time if or when this thing inside me that I don't have control of goes off accidentally."

"Just know it's on the table."

Laurel sighed, and leaned back so she could rest her head against the back of the couch. "I can't believe Mom and Dad are two for two on resurrected dead daughters."

"Yeah," Sara agreed, matching Laurel's position but leaning over to rest her head on Laurel's shoulder. "But I'm off saving the world and you have an evil twin." She then admitted, "I can't believe you lawyered your way into convincing everyone to keep this from Dad."

"I know." Laurel groaned. Until she and Nyssa figured out what Talia had done and all of the Lazarus Pit's effects on her, she really didn't want her dad involved in this mess. "Dad's gonna kill all of us when he finds out."

"Word of advice: try to tell him before you're causing destruction all over downtown Starling." Sara advised.

Laurel smiled wryly. "I'll keep that in mind."

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right. So, obviously, sorry to disappoint, but this isn't one of those Nyssa-joins-the-Waverider fics (and neither will Laurel). I'll expound on why eventually, but if you're hoping Sara's going to convince them or they'll change their minds, unfortunately, this isn't the fic for you.


	3. Chapter 3

She will say _this_ , about her being alive again, and the gift (or curse; the jury was still out on that one) bestowed upon her by the Lazarus Pit: she definitely liked her improved senses and perception – or maybe it's just more of her senses being overwhelmed by being alive again, but that was neither here nor there – and she's able to stay awake despite the fact that she's had an overwhelming and honestly tiring day.

And Laurel was definitely awake when Nyssa crawled home, and they have a brief stand-off when Nyssa noticed her, the two of them daring the other to be the first to speak.

Laurel had been a lawyer in her past life, so she knew how to work with lengthy silences and turning it to her advantage, but she knew Nyssa could draw this out as long as she wanted; surprisingly avoidance seemed to be a key tactic in Nyssa's interactions with people lately.

"Sara has a tell." Laurel started.

Nyssa paused, before she sighed as an indication of her conceding to the inevitable, and then indicated the kitchen with a tilt of her head. "Shall we have tea?"

Laurel understood the question as an indication to sit down and talk in a more civilized manner than merely confronting each other, and she stood up to join Nyssa in the kitchen.

While Nyssa prepared their beverage, Laurel continued her line of thought. "I couldn't figure it out, first, why you would say no when all you've ever wanted was to be with Sara. I mean, obviously." She gave Nyssa a droll look, which the other woman returned, because they were both well aware of the lengths Nyssa would go - and once had gone - to have Sara back. "So I started thinking, it can't just be you protecting me, or keeping Talia at bay, or whatever the hell it is you're doing under the radar and please don't tell me because I don't want to stretch how much is protected by client-attorney privileges; and then I realized, this isn't _just_ about you, _or_ Sara."

Nyssa, who remained standing against the stove with her arms crossed in front of her, only looked impassively at Laurel.

"It's about you _and_ Sara, on top of the fact that she's not as discreet as she should be." Laurel went on. "If this is about you worrying you'll be cramping her style, I'm sure she'd—"

Nyssa sighed, interrupting Laurel before she continued. "Why is this so important to you?"

"I think the more important question is, why _isn't_ this more important to _you_?" Laurel returned.

"There are far more important matters."

"What could be more important than—"

"There is someone else."

Laurel stopped short, and blinked blankly up at her. After a pause, knowing how seriously Nyssa and the League took oaths, she hesitantly ventured, "Ollie…?"

The flash of annoyance was enough of an answer, but Nyssa actually offered further explanation: "Sara. As you mentioned, your sister has a tell. A casual observer would not recognize this, but I've seen her attempt a honey trap while she was in the League. She has a tell. And for all her past indiscretions, she is surprisingly not as adept at hiding the fact that she is involved and in a relationship as one might presume."

Laurel kept her gaze on Nyssa, frowning at the even tone Nyssa reflected on this aspect of Laurel's sister, before she slowly exhaled. "Nyssa…"

"I do not know the details of the situation and the circumstances involved, nor am I particularly eager to learn them, but I cannot ignore the fact that our paths have remarkably diverged." Nyssa confided.

"I don't understand you," Laurel shook her head. "She's offering you the opportunity Malcolm stole from both of you."

"Laurel—"

"So she's possibly seeing someone else. _Maybe_. But she _asked_ , and you know what that tells me?" Laurel continued before Nyssa could answer, "It tells me that being with you is something she wants more than she wants anyone else. I don't know how you can be so flippant, so… _dismissive_ of something as important as this."

Nyssa shook her head. "Do you have dreams?"

At the abrupt right turn of the conversation, Laurel stopped short in her indignation and she stared at Nyssa. "What?"

"Do you dream?" Nyssa repeated. "Because you died, Laurel. My relationship with your sister aside, and my own quarrel with _my_ sister at an impasse, the fact of the matter is, you died. You _died_. And you have been brought to life. You have been brave, in the time I've had you in my care, but I know the effects of the Lazarus Pit. I'd hoped, given this second life, that you would stop putting on a brave face for the people you care about and trust them enough to be honest, but you have not."

Laurel slowly shook her head. "That's not—"

"You have no opinion, of the fact your father hopes to rehabilitate your friends' enemy, because she wears your face? The fact that Oliver and his cohorts all but _replaced you_ , so soon after your death? The fact that your sister could not be bothered to _stay_ , to take care of your family, the way _you had to_ , when she had been the one who left?" Nyssa pressed. "My sister brought you back to toy with me, and you have no opinion? Do you not begrudge that your rest had been cut short, because of me? None of this bothers you?"

"I'm alive, I don't see—"

"You are allowed your feelings, Laurel."

"Just because I don't experience blood lust or want to destroy things when I have strong feelings doesn't mean I don't feel them, Nyssa."

"Then why---"

"But what good would that do?" Laurel asked, cutting her off. "The world doesn't stop spinning. Oliver's team is still at odds with the very people they trained because nobody in that team trusts anyone, my Dad is still looking for his kids in lost souls he probably shouldn't be trusting, and Sara…" Laurel shook her head. "I know you believe that happiness was an option you don't get to have serving the League, but is it so impossible for you to take the opportunity to maybe find out if there's a possibility that isn't true?"

"Laurel—"

"I know, I get it: you, your sister, me and this Resurrection Surprise, plus whatever else is going on in Star City and my time-traveling sister," Laurel sighed, and looked down at her cup. "I just don't want to be the reason why you don't want to go with her."

That seemed to bring Nyssa up short. "That's not…" She sighed, shaking her head. "Do not burden yourself with the responsibility of the choices made by those you love, Laurel."

Laurel scoffed, rolling her eyes as she looked to the side, because did Nyssa even _know_ her?

"And as for me and your sister…. it is not a matter of _want_."

Laurel slowly turned to look at her.

"Do I want to be with Sara?" Nyssa surmised. "With every fiber of my being. But she has responsibilities, as do I."

"If this is about—"

"We each have lives to live." Nyssa continued softly. "And those lives might not have a place for the other anymore."

"You can't believe that," Laurel argued quietly.

"She fights in the light, righting wrongs and removing evil from the world, alongside a team that looks to her as a capable leader." Nyssa reminded. "Sara has always belonged in the light, Laurel. My presence only darkens her path."

"She's only as good as she is because you taught her." Laurel returned.

"Her skills are from her League training, true. But she has always been more than that."

One thing Laurel had never been good at was knowing when to cut her losses; but she was also aware that this was an instance when she had managed to argue her point effectively, if not necessarily to her desired outcome. Laurel gazed at her friend thoughtfully. "So what's the plan?"

If Nyssa was surprised at the sudden acquiescence on Laurel's part, she didn't voice it. Instead, she answered the question presented. "You need training."

Laurel groaned.

"You do." Nyssa reiterated. "I cannot decide for you on whether you will continue to live in combat, but I will do my best to ensure you will be better prepared."

Laurel frowned at her. "Nothing prepares you for how you'll die."

"Indeed." Nyssa agreed. "And it is important to limit the opportunities others will have to kill you."

Laurel rolled her eyes.

"Laurel." Nyssa said pointedly, in as gentle a manner as she was capable given the nature of her next statement, "My sister deigned you dangerous enough to keep you chained; you will need to learn to adapt to your newfound strength. I have not even begun to consider how much training you will need to undergo to integrate your new abilities."

Laurel sighed.

"And from that sigh I will maneuver the conversation to ask why you didn't tell Mr. Queen and his cohorts of your new ability."

Laurel shook her head. "They already have a Canary. And a Siren."

"Black Siren is an enemy to your friends."

"So were you, once."

Nyssa conceded that point.

"I know you're right, I know I'm a target, no matter what I do. I know I can't go back to Starling. I also know that I can't assume that just because I'm not going back to Starling that I just get to walk away from the fight." Laurel conceded. "I know you're a walking target, but I also know I'm safer with you than with anyone else."

Their gazes met, and they both knew that with Laurel conceding to Nyssa's plan of action, they had also reached the point of negotiation where Nyssa would have to accept Laurel's terms.

"But you need to talk to Sara."

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

"Where do you go?"

It's late – or early, depending on how you consider time – and sunrise is coming soon, and Sara has been waiting for _hours_. Nyssa paused from what she had thought had been a stealthy return to her home, and turned in the direction of the voice that had asked the question, facing Sara.

"Laurel says you sneak out," Sara explained her query. "But you've been out the whole day, and I thought it was just because…"

Because she was avoiding Sara. Not entirely true, but that did not make it untrue, either.  And they were both grateful Sara chose not to finish verbalizing the thought.

"So I was wondering where you go." Sara said instead.

Nyssa smiled faintly, wondering how she had ended up having to explain herself to the Lance sisters. "Sara…"

"I mean, it's okay if you don't want to tell me, you don't owe me an explanation, I just…" Sara paused, and admitted, "I got worried."

"We both know I can take care of myself," Nyssa pointed out, giving her a wry smile.

Sara didn't return her amusement. "And we both know you have a target on your back, whether or not the League exists."

Nyssa looked at her for a long, considering moment, but Sara, who thought she knew Nyssa pretty well, couldn't discern her expression. Finally, Nyssa sighed, and confessed something she could only really trust to Sara. "I disbanded the League. But there are few who find opportunity in its absence. And fewer still who remain loyal to Ra's al Ghul."

It was a simple declaration, but the complications behind the admission were exponential. Among which was the fact that for all intents and purposes, Nyssa was still, to some, the rightful Demon's Head. And that there were others who would argue the point.

In that instant, Sara understood why Nyssa felt immensely the responsibility of protecting Laurel – not just from Talia and her machinations, but also from Oliver and the people who wished harm upon him and Star City.

Laurel was a weapon. And just as she had been used as a pawn against Oliver, and against their father, Nyssa understood that Laurel could also so easily be used against the reigning Demon's Head.

The way Sara had been.

And she could have followed that thread of thought, but something had been nagging Sara ever since Nyssa had declined her invitation, and now with having drawn a parallel between herself and her sister – "Are you in love with her?"

Having expected an argument somewhere more along the lines of the continuation of the League, despite all appearances to the contrary, the question threw Nyssa off. "I'm—"

Correction: it threw her _way_ off _. What?_

She was fluent in multiple languages and took pride in her ability to withstand most elements of surprise, but…

 _What_?

"Are you in love with her?" Sara repeated, wanting an answer but dreading it just the same. A part of her knew the question was unreasonable, and that awareness was probably why she couldn't look at Nyssa as she insisted on this thread of discussion. After all: "Because, you know, she and I have a really _fucked up_ history with liking the same people, and people tend to fuck around with me but fall in love with her, and I get it, plus I was dead and you were vulnerable and—"

" _Habibti_ , stop." Nyssa interrupted, having regained the power of thought and comprehension, and shook her head. This, she imagined, was what Laurel meant when she responded to the revelation that Nyssa was to marry Oliver Queen with ' _I think I just threw up in my mouth_.' "I am not… no. _No_."

"It's fine if you did."

Everything about the lineaments of Sara's body language said otherwise.

"She is your sister. And her friendship during a difficult time had been a comfort." Nyssa explained. Admittedly, she couldn't even repeat the verbiage of Sara's accusation. "But, no."

Sara was only all too willing to accept that response. Some of the tension in her body relaxed. After a moment, she looked back at Nyssa and asked softly, "Is there someone?"

The answer would speak to truths Nyssa was certain Sara may not be in the headspace to hear. Truths she was also certain Sara already knew.

Nyssa went with the vague response. "I have been rather preoccupied, these past few years, on matters of a less personal nature."

Yeah, and from what's Sara heard, those matters wreaked its own havoc on the people it affected. Her heart broke for Nyssa, and what she had been through, and all the ways she knew it must have taken a toll on the woman in front of her.

Nyssa offered a wry laugh. "I imagine not a great many people would opt to be involved on matters I find myself attending to."

Sara didn't laugh; _couldn't_. Not only because she imagined there were others who were aware of the League and would gladly take what Nyssa would be willing to give; or for the less opportunistic, simply find that somewhere underneath the cold veneer of a trained assassin was a woman who could love, and could love deeply.

In response Sara merely studied her, taking in the ways Nyssa was different, from the way she carried herself to the way she actively avoided confiding in Sara. Taking in the changes that the past few years had instilled upon Nyssa, her experiences and the wisdom gained from them. Taking in how Nyssa had changed from the woman she had known.

The woman she had left behind.

She had meant to return to Nyssa. She had not been in the best mental, emotional or even physical state when she had gone to Nanda Parbat, had only been too willing to accept the proverbial free pass Nyssa had handed her, but as she'd already told Nyssa, she had always felt (known, _believed_ ) she would return, maybe to free Nyssa herself, but definitely for some kind of future with her. Quite simply, how can she _not_?

But that was years ago, and in those intervening years, Sara understood, things had changed. More importantly, _they_ have changed. She had her own team now, her own set of people who looked to her to lead; she was saving the world with people who willingly shared that responsibility. And she had a lover who saw in her a hero, someone who saved the day; someone who knew the darkest part of her and chose to see the lightest parts.

And Nyssa… Sara stole a glance at the woman in question, who returned her gaze, as if knowing what Sara was looking for.

Her next question revealed she was at least aware where Sara's thoughts had strayed. "She treats you well, I hope."

"We don't have to—"

"Talk about it?" Nyssa finished for her. A small smile pulled on her lips. "You question if I am in love with Laurel, and you do not get to be interrogated on your relationship?"

Sara rolled her eyes. "You seem close."

"And you, Taer al Asfer, still have a tell." Nyssa replied.

Sara pouted. She had been told, plenty of times in the past, by Laurel and her parents, that she had a "tell", some kind of outward sign when she was lying; but especially during training and in her years with the League, she had been admonished that she should not wear her emotions on her sleeve. She had been pretty sure she had dropped the habit or whatever the telltale sign had been, but in hindsight it was probably because her team was afraid to tell her that.

But then Ava never mentioned it, either.

She seriously hopes it's because she's never had to lie to Ava or her team.

And Nyssa, bless her, gives her an out. "I am teasing you, Sara. We do not have to talk about it."

Funny, how her name suddenly sounded so odd, having gone from the affectionate, to her League name, and finally to her given name in a few short minutes.

Sara looked up at Nyssa. "Talia has a Lazarus Pit."

Sara hadn't even realized how tense Nyssa had been, until the topic turned to something not related to their own personal relationship and she visibly relaxed. "Yes."

"That makes her dangerous."

"I am aware."

Sara frowned. "Is she making a play to rebuild the League?"

Nyssa sighed, an expression of exasperation she usually did not freely allow, which told Sara just how exhausted Nyssa was about the topic at hand. Sara realized Nyssa must have run the whole slew of options and explanations for Talia's actions since Laurel had returned.

But all Nyssa said was, "Someone is always hoping to rebuild the League."

Honestly, for a shadow organization that wielded that much power for so long, Sara had to admire how Nyssa's father had been content being the man who pulled the strings, and had not angled for world domination in more obvious ways.

A rebuilt League, with someone who did not have the same long-term goals and plans as the longtime Ra's al Ghul used to have, was dangerous. Talia having a Lazarus Pit also spoke of a danger Sara could not put into words. "Do you need help?"

Nyssa smiled faintly. "Talia would not do anything to jeopardize the loyalty of those who recognize the bearer of the ring of Ra's al Ghul."

"She already went after you once," Sara pointed out.

"She was after Oliver Queen," Nyssa corrected. "I just happened to stand in her way."

Sara shook her head, refusing to just accept Nyssa's logic. "I can help."

"Not with this." Nyssa denied firmly.

"Nyssa—"

"This is no longer any of your concern," Nyssa told her. "I am not a damsel in need of saving, and you are not of the League."

"Nyssa, dammit—"

Nyssa tilted her head to the side, regarding her with an almost curious expression. "Do you doubt my ability to handle Talia?"

"No! But you turned to Ollie when you needed help with Malcolm Merlyn."

Nyssa rolled her eyes. "I was teaching him a lesson in cleaning up messes he had created."

"You still needed help."

"It was not for lack of ability, habibti. I looked at The Magician and all I wanted was to cut him limb from limb and his ties with your friends prevented me from doing that." Nyssa argued.

"If I'm still your beloved, why won't you let me help?" Sara demanded.

"Because I am not sure that you are!"

Sara faltered, and she frowned at the other woman. "Nyssa—"

"I will not deny my feelings for you: that is constant, that will not change. But Sara, you _left_." Nyssa said firmly, as if they needed reminding. Or maybe she was stating it because they _did_ need the reminder. "And you do not get to simply return and make offers and pretend time had not passed for either you or I. You left. And you and I both have lives the other knows nothing about. And I do not begrudge you that, Sara." She said quickly. "But you have to understand that we cannot simply return to _before_. We tried, and you got killed for it. It is not a risk I am willing to allow. Not again."

Sara looked at Nyssa, trying to reconcile the feelings they both obviously still felt for each other with the line Nyssa was trying to desperately put between them. And maybe it's her time with the Legends, where they're directly told their help is needed, or the fact that Nyssa has saved her so many times, but it feels like a loss, the fact that she's directly being told not to help, and it hurts even more because _Nyssa_ is telling her not to help _her_.

But she gets it, even if she hates it, because she knows Nyssa's right, and they both have different priorities now, different lives to lead, and her intercession might not be the help that Nyssa needs right now. Nyssa's right, she has learned a thing or two about monarchies – and about leadership politics, in general – and she knows whatever is brewing between Nyssa and Talia needs to be handled delicately.

And Sara and her team do not really deal well with handling things _delicately_.

Sara doesn't like it, doesn't like leaving Nyssa again, doesn't like that she's leaving and it feels like a goodbye, that it feels a lot like the last time she'll see her. But she can't argue against what Nyssa has said, and all she can say in return is, "Promise me you'll be careful."

Nyssa smiled, and it's warm and soft and the kind of smile she usually reserves only for Sara, but it's not as comforting as Sara would like. "I shall do my best. I _do_ have to look after your sister."

Sara tries to meet her mirth, and fails miserably. "She gets herself into the worst situations."

"You have that in common."

Sara wants to fight, wants to tell Nyssa that's exactly why she needs Nyssa to have her back, for them to have each other's back, like they used to, like they had learned to do.

Instead the words she says next cuts to the quick. "I guess I should be going."

For a split-second, Nyssa looks like she wants to say something, maybe in protest to how soon Sara is leaving, but she doesn't actually say anything; she keeps her mouth shut and gives a brief nod of acknowledgment.

Sara has a motorcycle she claims she had "borrowed", quotation marks heavily implied, and she and Nyssa don't say anything else until they're outside.

Sara paused, and glanced at Nyssa. "You know, I asked Laurel to come, too."

Nyssa merely smiled, because, well, she had expected as much.

"That… thing, inside her," Sara hesitated, not sure how to define the sonic scream inside Laurel both Nyssa and Laurel have warned her about, and she understood their concern, had her own worries about it. "Will it kill her?"

Nyssa had wondered the same, but considering everything else Laurel had gotten in her resurrection… "I do not believe so."

"How do you know?"

"I don't." Nyssa admitted. "But all indication imply it is a gift more than it is a curse."

Sara nodded, accepting that response. At this point she could really only hope Nyssa was right.

They stood together by the motorcycle, physically only a few scant inches between them and yet so far apart emotionally, and Sara took a deep breath before she looked up and met Nyssa's gaze. "I've asked Ollie's friends in Central City to give Laurel a way for her to call me or leave me messages in real time. If—"

Nyssa nodded. "I will ensure Laurel receives the device."

"If you need my help, or anything." Sara insisted. "Seriously, Nyssa. _Anything_. Even if it's just to talk. You, or Laurel: _you call me_."

Nyssa nodded again, and gave her a smile. "Then we shall."

Sara could only nod in acceptance, not knowing what else to say.

But there was still one thing she knew she had to do.

She hugged Nyssa, throwing her arms around the taller woman and hugging her tightly, and closed her eyes as she felt Nyssa wrap her arms around her in response, took comfort in the fact that for all the things they've said and the things probably still left unsaid, they could still read each other like this.

It's unfair, she knew, knowing she was leaving and knowing they both knew there was someone else, but they had a language of their own, the words meaning more to either of them than what anyone could understand. "I love you."

It's easier, probably, to say it when they're not looking at each other, and it's definitely easier for Nyssa to acknowledge and accept, when she's not faced with the hard decision of letting Sara go.

Even if she knows better than to say the words back.

"Be safe, habibti."

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End. 
> 
> The series will continue in another story.


End file.
